“ok so is it bad that i hate when straight girls say they have a “girl crush/lady crush”? like sexuality is fluid and i dont have a problem with that bc sometimes people who are straigt have had real crushes on someone of the same gender. but straight girls use it all the time to say a girl is attractive and it just makes it even harder as a bi girl to explain how i’m not just a “confused straight girl"”

Not at all! It’s hard when straight people joke around about being bi/LGBTQ. It’s incredibly invalidating, especially when the bi identity is already treated like one big joke.

It’s like when my straight friends pretend to be married on Facebook as a joke. While I’m all for people exploring their sexuality, quite often it’s just straight people being insensitive. It feels kinda cruel for straight people to joke about being bi/LGBTQ when they aren’t experiencing our oppression as bi people. I think sometimes the “girl crush” thing is kinda like “no homo.” It’s a way for someone to express a “~gay/bi thought~” while making it very clear that they are still straight.

Sometimes, if you’re comfortable with it, going along with the joke can be a way to expose how shitty it is. Like, someone says they have a girl crush, and you respond, “oh, you should ask her out!” (But you totally don’t have to do this, as it’s scary & not always safe to call straight people out on their biphobic shit!) I hope you don’t stress out about having to prove you’re not a “confused straight girl”–sadly, there are going to be people who think this pretty firmly. Just hold your very valid bi identity close, and believe yourself. Find other bi people to vent & hang out with. And it’s hard, but it’s okay not to be the bi mythbuster & educator that straight people expect, as it gets tiring sometimes. In short, you do you. <3 (Shiri Eisner has excellent blog posts & a book that I highly recommend about being bi!)

It’s a bummer, and I feel ya. Sending you lots of love. 

-Sara